playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
