real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize