Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
