you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
