you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
