i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
