that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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