I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize