He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
