they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
