I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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