I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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