well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
