Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
