First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
ttyl tear gas
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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