I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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