Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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