it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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