1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
