I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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