I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
