i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
