you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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