my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
