So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
