he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize