tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
