I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Houston, we have a blender
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
