Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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