I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
