Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
