I met the friendliest cop last night
Too much gin, very little bucket
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
