my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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