my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
