It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize