the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Randomize
