Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
