he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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