Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
