yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
