I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
and she was petting her beer can
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize