I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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