I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
