Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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