I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
