dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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