How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
