Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
