i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
