Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
