4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
