Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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