Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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