Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize