he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
