An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize