a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
