I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
