HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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