frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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