At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
