I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
