I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
