God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize