you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
