so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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