Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize