YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
