sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
