just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
