HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
