Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Something in me snapped and now Iām just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
