11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
we have pet lesbian snakes
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
