Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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