didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just high enough for therapy.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
