i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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