What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
