I didn't shave. On purpose
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
