We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
