I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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