piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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