And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
