My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
