Your tits are I can't wait for
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
You smell like stripper and shame
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
